Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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