Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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