Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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