I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
