I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
