Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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