My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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