I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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