can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I touched a dick in church today
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
