There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
