is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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