I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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