I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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