I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
