Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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