Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Found the puke drawer
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
