I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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