Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
