when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
