i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so let's talk penis.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
