i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
