I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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