I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
