How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
