She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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