i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
