threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
