About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
