Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
