hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
