Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
