I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
