I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
