Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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