I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
