Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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