the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
