also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
