Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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