I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
