I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
