Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
