umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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