to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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