My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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