and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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