Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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