her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
