um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
