Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
