Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
