I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
